So I have been trying to create a coherent post about this to amalgamate all my thoughts into a coherent vision. This is a tough topic because how can you make someone realise something they don’t know? How can we cause a change in society?
Talking about this with my partner is weird its like he feels he can’t have an opinion because he is a dude. I wonder how far that thought spreads, how many people shy away from the hard questions that they don’t know the answer to. How many conversations are not had because it is too tough.
I feel like people become desensitised to discussion, the more men feel victimised the more they become defensive. Not all men are rapists but being so uncomfortable about the discussion entrenches society in a culture that cannot continue.
When we don’t talk about it we are ignoring it. That ignorance lets the problems that are causing it fester. There is no easy fix to stop rape, but there are definitely influencing factors that need to be addressed.
Smarter people that I have tackled this so I will leave them right here for you to absorb.
This is a 3 minute video and it compares consent through a cup of tea.It tries to make it as black and white as possible. If someone wants it they will say yes. If they don’t say yes don’t do it. They can also change their mind at any time.
This may seem like a simple notion. To get an actual yes but it doesn’t always play out like that.
This is an article I read on Cracked, and whilst not all offenders are like him you can see how confusion can occur. Nobody ever think they will be that guy (well maybe some do but those guys will be harder to address) they don’t set out to assault someone. They get swept up and don’t think their action through. That why we need to talk about it in a calm rational way- because those guys- we can save. The assaults through misunderstandings can be stopped. Not every assault is committed by a monster. Sometimes its just a dude or dudette who grew up without anyone ever telling them where that line was. Or teaching them to think it was in a different place, a bad place.
Education. This is step 1. Sex-ed in schools and healthy conversations to create a comfortable frame of reference for youths as they grow up. People are who we help them to be. This also needs to include the media, although much harder to control in many ways they have more influence over kids than their own parents. But I don’t know how you would tackle the media, certainly the portray of cat and mouse seduction can lead to some mixed signals. Also historically relationships have been built around the mans needs as outlined hilariously in there 1930’s dating tips. This is something that has obviously changed over time but it shows that these ideas are not static and we should be concious of where we sit on the spectrum. When we look back on this time in 50 years, will we be proud of how we treat the rape victims on trial?
So here is why I wanted to write this post. I watched this Ted Talk. It just made so much sense to me. In this talk Jessica lad talks about
“The Reporting System Sexual Assault Survivors Want”
Its called project Callisto and I don’t know why it doesn’t exist everywhere basically it creates a unique matching system where people can record their assault and it will sit in their independent records until someone else also reports an assault from the same individual.
Then the information gets automatically sent to the police. This includes the details of the assault fresh from distortion due to police interview or later events. It also is a means to connect two survivors together as survivors are much likely to come forward if they are not alone.
I can’t really see a problem with this. In fact I challenge you to find a problem with it as I feel like there must be something that I am missing, why it is too good to be true.
This site is a great place if you want to do more, learn more or if you need help: www.11thprincipleconsent.org
Have you read her victim statement?
The way that we talk about rape is sad. No matter, how drunk, how promiscuous you need consent. I admire her courage and value that this case has started an important dialogue that may actually institute change. Her statement makes helps us realise that being a victim doesn’t stop at that single night and the way the system handles these allegations can bear a huge influence in the recovery of the victim.
I don’t believe in over incarcerating our population, I believe in making things better for the victim rather than just punishing the offender. But what do we do when the offender isn’t grasping the consequences of their actions?
Anyway that is my little thought on that.
Can I just clarify that this is the small amount of cases have a stranger committing the assault of which that is only 21% of the time. Many rape victims were abused earlier on in their life that creates the mindset for their later eventual victimisation. They think they deserve it, or that this is how relationships work. Most of of all assaults are not even reported. We make it hard for victims. We need to make a safe space for people who ask for help, that’s why this conversation needs to be had. We as a society need to better for those that need us.